The Story of a Middle Age Mama

By: Red Hot Mamas

Published: May 26, 2010

By: Barbara Lorenzo

When I was a young woman focused on my career, I believed the hype about “you can have it all”. I could build the career and then late in life get pregnant and have children. Well, I built my career. I went to graduate school and became a Clinical Social Worker. I went through years of clinical training and built my practice.

Along the way, I met a wonderful man. We married, built a house and then decided that we wanted to have children. By this time I was in my forties. Oh well, no problem as “I could have it all”. Right? Wrong! A funny thing happened on the way to deciding to have children. My body aged. Sad to say, it began its journey toward menopause and nothing was going to change that.

I tried very powerful and high doses of Fertility drugs. I tried Artificial Insemination, GIFT and IVF. There were so many VF’s and I tried them all. I was labeled everything, including a “Poor Responder to Hard Eggs”. Many, many thousands of dollars and years later, I was told the news. You’re too old! I was devastated. We could not believe it. Why did they not tell us this earlier?

As the reality set in, life without children became very painful. Coming from a large family I was in constant contact with family members becoming pregnant and having children. My neighbors across the street had twins. While I was happy for them, I was devastated! Being around children became very painful and I found myself pushing back my emotions. I felt like such a failure. I thought of myself as one big hard egg!

Fortunately, my loving husband was always very supportive. He felt that he could remain “child free” but I didn’t. I knew I had to do something. Several years later, when I was 46, I began to hear about international adoption. A woman where I worked adopted a sweet little baby boy from Russia. She and I spoke and I followed her progress with the adoption.

Through my relationship with her and what I learned on my own, I decided that maybe there was hope for us. Being a social worker, I’ve spent years of studying and learning systems. If it is one thing I knew, it was how to work with a governmental system. So, Russia became not just a possibility but a reality.

In 2002, after many years of heartache and searching, my dear husband and I embarked on a journey to Russia to adopt two brothers. Given our ages (48), we felt that we would skip the infant stage and adopt younger children. On November 13, 2002, my husband and I stood in front of a Russian judge in the state of Vladimir, Russia and vowed to love, cherish and raise two little brothers Alexander and Nikita. This was the best day of our lives.

Fast forward to 2005 and a very happy family! My life is now filled with Sponge Bob, Power Rangers, Cub Scouts, camping, PTA and all of the things important to raising little boys. Gone is the hurt and anger. Gone is the “Old Egg Feeling”. What is now important are wedgies, how far I can spit and the color of bug guts!

Sure I am in perimenopause and there are those days that my family begs me to turn down the air conditioner. However, I’m a mom, I feel young and I love it! My boys are happy, healthy and we are all secure in a loving family.

I have also made a career change. I started my own adoption agency and these days, I help singles and couples realize their dream of a family through international adoption. To learn more about international adoption, visit my website: www.adopthomestudyserv.com.

It really doesn’t matter what age you are, your hormonal level, stage of menopause or the condition of your eggs. If you want to have a family you can. You just need to open your arms and open your heart to other possibilities!

Barbara has many years of experience with assisting individuals and couples explore and pursue adoption as the means to build or expand their family. She holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work and is an experienced clinician and educator. Many families and organizations call upon her for her knowledge of the adoption process and her experience withcouples who are not able to have children biologically. Home Studies and Services, Inc. is a full service adoption agency licensed in Pennsylvania but able to provide services nationwide.

Barbara Lorenzo, LCSW,is a licensed clinical social worker, the founder and the Executive Director of Adoption Home Studies and Services, Inc. She is also an adoptive parent to two sons from Russia.

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