Smart Sex at Menopause: Talking to your partner about safe sex.

By: Red Hot Mamas

Published: May 26, 2010

Sex at menopause is exciting and can be very different than what the media portrays. However, there are health risks involved in the sex act and many of us don’t know how to be honest, have a constructive discussion and communicate to our partners about what’s really on our minds when it comes to sexual matters. We often fail at safe sex communication because it can be difficult for some us to relay our messages and beliefs to our partner about safe sex and discussing these issues in a productive manner.

The discussion often comes up when we are at the height of our passions; this sets us up for failure. Sexual communication should begin in a compassionate and non threatening way to protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Condom use should be viewed as a loving way to take care of yourself, as well as your partner. Communication comes before sex, so let’s talk about it.

Communication is very important and requires you work at it with your partner by talking about your feelings and thoughts about sexual matters. Good relationships evolve when couples listen to one another. Look directly in your partner’s eyes, be tactful to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings, listen to what he/she may have to say and watch his/her response and be honest in how you feel. It is also important to communicate before, during and after your sexual encounter.

It is essential for you to understand your partner’s sexual history. Most couples don’t really have a clue about their partner’s previous sexual experiences and as a result may develop a sexually transmitted disease. They underestimate their partner’s sexual risk factors. And discuss your past sexual histories honestly to be fair to your partner.

Be decisive about communicating your needs and stick by your choices, even if it is difficult in compromising situations. And be aware that while under the influence of alcohol, or drugs, many people give way to their sexual urges, never looking at the consequences. Alcohol and drugs may hinder your judgment skills and sexual inhibitions.

Safe sex doesn’t have to be boring sex. Many women are embarrassed to carry condoms as they feel their reputations will be ruined. This is not the case at all. It’s hard to change that belief, but safe sex should not be an option. Safe sex means making sure you don’t get anyone else’s semen or vaginal fluids in your body. Unsafe sex includes: vaginal or anal intercourse without a condom; swallowing semen or vaginal fluids; unprotected manual vaginal, oral, or anal intercourse.

The best condoms are lubricated latex condoms. Other type condoms like polyurethane ones break more easily. Many women choose to use a water-based lubricant, such as Replens Intimate Lubricant, if they experience soreness using a condom. Don’t use oil, like massage or baby oil, as oil breaks down latex, as does petroleum jelly such as Vasoline®.

Condoms can be erotic to use if used creatively. They come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and textures. Avoid keeping condoms in warm places as they can become brittle and break more easily. And always check the expiration date on the package. In addition, make sure you don’t rip the condom when opening the package. A spermicide lotion should be used to kill viruses. However, many condoms are coated with a spermicide. Many men find pleasure when using a water-based lubricant on their penis prior to putting on a condom. Be sure to squeeze the air out of the tip of the condom before using them if the condom has a receptacle tip to catch the sperm as this will reduce the chance of breaking. If a condom breaks, get a new one. Throw out the used condom right away and never use the same condom for vaginal and anal intercourse.

It’s safe to assume, that unless you abstain from sex, or are in a healthy monogamous relationship, you’re at risk. Your life at menopause and beyond depends on safe sex and safe sex should be enjoyable and fun.