Ask the Experts- November 2020

By: Red Hot Mamas

Published: November 11, 2020

Dear Red Hot Mamas,

My wife is going through menopause. I don’t even know what’s happening to her. She is acting more strange than ever. What can I do to help her?



Dear Mike,

It’s great that you are willing to help her. That is very commendable.

Sometimes menopausal symptoms come on suddenly and your wife may feel she can’t control them. It’s important to ask your wife what she is going through both physically and emotionally.

Talk to her about what she’s experiencing. Do a lot of listening. But, by all means, don’t try to fix things.  Many men want to start fixing things. Some even try to tell their wives what they should do or not do. That doesn’t work and may even cause hard feelings.

Ask questions like – How are you feeling? What can I do for you? Be attentive and let her talk. Ensure her that you want to have good communication. This may make her feel better. Suggest that you both learn together about menopause, what it is and how to manage its course. By chance, she may not have enough information herself and this will be a bonding experience for you both.

Be patient with her. Avoid personalizing her moods. It may be nothing you are doing wrong at all.

Make sure she gets enough sleep and daily exercise. This often helps to elevate moods.

Your wife may need to take more time for herself. It might be helpful to give her a reprieve sometimes from hectic daily activities.

Avoid pressuring her into sex. Vaginal changes may make sex uncomfortable or even painful. Encourage your wife to speak to her doctor as there are treatments to relieve discomfort with sex.

Remain positive. Show your unconditional love to make her understand that you support her and understand all that she is going through. Lastly, be patient, as menopause doesn’t last forever.